3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My vagina just recognized that song.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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