The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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