She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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