3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
