3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
