Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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