The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize