He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
