Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
