How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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