this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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