Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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