I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
NoShamevember. You game?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
