I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
