happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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