Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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