I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
