I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
