I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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