I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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