I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
