put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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