do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
