Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
