Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
