Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
