Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
