I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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