is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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