i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
