Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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