That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
