I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
