It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
