I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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