Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
