the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
