Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
