You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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