She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
