He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
