That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
