i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
