do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
