I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
