yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
