I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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