Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize