I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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