i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Pants are for mortals
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
