I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
