Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
