why didn't you poke me back
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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