I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
