so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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