How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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