just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
