Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
