fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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