What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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