ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
