I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am spending my child support on dildos
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
