and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize