my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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