her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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