I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
