the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I met the friendliest cop last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
