Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
