how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
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