when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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