Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
