It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
