I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
