Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
