take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
