Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
