Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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