I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize