So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
