butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can't put those talents on a resume
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
