I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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