This beer is not sobering me up at all
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize