I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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