I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Randomize
