the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
