I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
