i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
