There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
