I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
