Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
