what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
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