Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
