I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You took a bar mat shot.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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