I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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