i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
