god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
