on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
