tell your sister to shave her snatch
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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