My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
